Arranged vs Love Marriage.. continued
One of the comments about my last collumn about Love vs. Arranged Marriages (and Arranged Love Marriages) was by Dhillon at lovechandigarh.com who said, "Sydneychamp what if the woman you marry stops or doesn’t want to practice Sikhism for what ever reason after marriage, what will you do then?"
My answer was too long to put it in the comments. So i'm making a new entry here. Please read the entry below and the comments if you don't know what I'm talking about here.
Fair enough Dhillon.. but you can't tell the future and can't control it either. What I can control is my present. If my partner doesn't want to practice Sikhism, that's a different story, but at least I wold've made my effort to find a partner who can understand where I'm coming from not only when I'm talking about religion but everything else too, coz as I said.. I am what I am partly coz of my religion.
It's like saying.. "all women become fat after marriage." But Dhillon, does that mean that you go and find the biggest woman you can find and marry her, just to minimise the risk of her getting fatter in the future? And worst still, when you look for a partner, you look for somene who meets the criteria of your 'perfect partner'. But people change. So your partner's personality may change over time and after marriage, you may not like the change. You can’t really control that change Dhillon. What you can do is to find the person that best fits your wish-list and then hope that you two only change for the better.
One of my reasons for wishing to marry only a Sikh girl was that she will understand me more than a non-Sikh simply coz she understands not only the theoretical aspects of the religion but also the unexplainable feelings behind the faith.
Another reason is that if I was to marry a girl from another faith, she would want to do her path-pooja according to her own faith which my religion may not approve. Although I respect everyone’s right to practice their own religion, I wouldn’t want such rituals to be carried out in my own house if my religion and I don’t approve them.
Now some people here would wanna crucify me over my comments about ‘fat women’. But I don’t mean to make fun of anyone here. Please don’t go after the words.. concentrate on the point I’m trying to make here.
Damn.. my answers always seem to get so long. Anyway.. I’ll cut it here. Hope I made some sense.
Waheguru Rakha
posted by Balraj at 1:57 pm
3 Comments:
ssa ji
am basically noone so dont take my comments too seriously..n i know its kinda late to comment on it..i suppose u wrote it like in october or so..anyhow, i just wanted to point out that u wrote that u wouldnt like a gurl who is from another religion, and as you stated it "another faith" and that when she practice the rituals you said, YOUR RELIGION wouldnt approve of it.. i just wanna point out that am a sikh myself and that what i know of sikhism is that sikhism would never and has never not-approved of other religions.. if you think that way you have definately missed out on the basic funda about sikhism
well c yah
any further criticism can be posted to simrish@hotmail.com
rab rakha*//simran
Dear Simran,
First of all, thanks for your views on this issue. I appreciate your participation and would like to hear again from you.
Now for Simran’s comments, you are right about Sikhism NOT disapproving any other religion. But at the same time, every religion preaches a particular way to reach the ultimate goal. People following different religions are brought up with these different ways. It’s fair to say that we should all respect the other religions and the way different people follow different religions, which I do. But respecting another religion does not however mean that I have to follow another religion or necessarily have a person following another religion in my own house. All our Gurus for example condemned idol worship. I am a follower of that thought, and would therefore like to marry someone who doesn’t do idol worship.
Secondly Simran, I don’t understand why people get all defensive about religion in this context. I mean, in a partner, we all look for same/similar views about issues that are important to us. Similarly, I’m looking for someone who holds similar views about religion because my religion is important to me.
I consider myself more of a converted Sikh.. not converted from another religion, but converted from a complete non-believer to a believer, and then I chose Sikhism as my religion.. not just coz it was the religion my parents followed, but coz it was the religion that made more sense to me than all the others I ever came to know about. As far as the religious aspect of a person is concerned, the ideal partner for me would be someone who can inspire me to be a better human being as well as inspire me to follow my religion more closely. That I realize isn’t so easy to find.. so the least I expect from my partner is that she understands my religion and the reasons why I follow it the way I do.. and for that reason, I think a Sikh woman would be more appropriate for me than any other. Sikhism is not only a religion, it is a lifestyle.. and is an important part of my being. So my partner couldn’t possibly understand me completely without understanding my religion.. something I believe in..!
I hope all that makes sense. If you have any further questions.. please ask..!
Modern Sikh ji , thanks for your opinions as well. First of all I’d like to say that your comments seem to be more of a hurried conclusion. Don’t you think you judged me way too early..? If I’m right.. you drew your conclusion based on one photo that you saw in my blog, and what you read in one or two posts. If that’s right, then I suggest you read more about me on the blog, see more of my photos and you might come to know of my evolution from a complete non-believer to what I am now. Unfortunately the transformation to a believer and a Sikh isn’t complete yet, but I am trying and hope to be what I believe in..! But to be honest, comments like yours don’t help.
Now before I go any deeper into this issue, I’d like to know what exactly do you mean by me not understanding and adhering to..? Is it the fact that I cut my hair..? or that I’m not wearing a turban in that photo on my blog..? Secondly, what do you mean by simplicity of outside and inside..? and what did that have to do with anything being discussed..?
Waheguru Ang Sang Sahayi
Balraj Singh
Hi! all,
This seems to be the most commonly discussed topic everywhere.
What I don't understand is that why do people supporting beard and turban feel they are the only followers and supporters of Sikhism(no offence). I personally feel that more than physical appearances its the teachings of the religioan that makes you a better human being. What do you have to say about Ragis who during day time do Kirtan during Anand Karaj and then while leaving pack a bottle of whiky in their. Isn't that hypocrisy. Be honest to yourself atleast.
Again, I personally feel that you should marry a person of your own religious faith. You really need to be very broad minded( may not be a right word) to adjust with someone with different religious faith. Your values arise from your religion.
And as far as perfect partener is concerned there is no one perfect in this world. Someone who is perfect for you might be full of imperfections for someone else. And as they say don't judge a book from its cover. But most of us don't follow that.
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